I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
