OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
