Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
