sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
