I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
