Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
