just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
