Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

(314): View more from Missouri

You fucking left with him didn't you?!

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(636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand" (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?! http://tfl.nu/a3ou

Replies (33) Good night (1764) Bad night (4056)
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(937): View more from Ohio

she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

it's love

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(937): she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat. (1-937): it's love http://tfl.nu/getj

Replies (16) Good night (4809) Bad night (898)
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(845): View more from New York

I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

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(845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h

Replies (38) Good night (19666) Bad night (1710)
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(207): View more from Maine

Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.

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(207): Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us. http://tfl.nu/mqg9

Replies (2) Good night (4346) Bad night (1204)
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(845): View more from New York

I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.

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(845): I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties. http://tfl.nu/q6j5

Replies (5) Good night (2845) Bad night (1133)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye

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(781): No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye http://tfl.nu/qnov

Replies (12) Good night (1211) Bad night (2921)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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(405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90

Replies (6) Good night (1274) Bad night (851)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.

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(303): Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/mbmy

Replies (2) Good night (1476) Bad night (568)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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(781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl

Replies (1) Good night (1248) Bad night (551)
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(317): View more from Indiana

If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.

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(317): If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga. http://tfl.nu/uvum

Replies (2) Good night (971) Bad night (377)
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(956): View more from Texas

I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.

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(956): I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal. http://tfl.nu/q1bu

Replies (3) Good night (1033) Bad night (419)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.

(802): View more from Vermont

Campus is too small for this to keep happening

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(617): She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud. (802): Campus is too small for this to keep happening http://tfl.nu/z6hi

Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (439)
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(905): View more from Ontario

downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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(905): downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade. http://tfl.nu/mls1

Replies (4) Good night (945) Bad night (342)
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(289): View more from Ontario

my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.

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(289): my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/ahcl

Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (848)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"

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(570): I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!" http://tfl.nu/7nxz

Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (156)

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