There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."