I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.