so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates