she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
