I heard we made out
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
