Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
barbara walters just said penis...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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