I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
