Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
