That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
