ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
