I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
