Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
