Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
