I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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