my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
