ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize