She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
