I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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