I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
