i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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