i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
