It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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