Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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