I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
