shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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