i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
