She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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