so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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