As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
