Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
