Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
