He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
