what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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