Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
