If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
