I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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