my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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