my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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