"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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