Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bring money and cleavage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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