Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
