found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I cockslap morals
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
