Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
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Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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