i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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