Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
