Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
