pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
