she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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