I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
