I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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