oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
