If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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