would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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