I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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