I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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