How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
