This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
