i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
