I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
