i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
