just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
