You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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