I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
